✸ Searching for Someone

Written by Olivia Maree Davis

As soon as I stepped off the bus into the sweltering heat of Tocumwal with bags lobbed over my shoulders, the vastness of space overwhelmed me. Dust was flying into my eyes and people were walking about everywhere. I felt out of body, looking around trying to piece together left from right in the haboob around me.

I tried calling once, twice, three times to find him, a familiarity in the unfamiliar.

After a chaotic start we managed to get out onto the dance floor. I was subconsciously scanning the faces of every person hoping to find him but knew it would be unlikely. I felt deflated. No reception and thousands of people bouncing in synergy under the flashing lights,

I tried to sway along, smile and play the part.

I wanted to be enjoying myself but I felt disconnected. Everyone kept asking me if i was having a good time with their pupils dilated and gum smacking in my ear. I nodded but inside I felt out of place and like i wanted to disappear.

Security for me is controlled, intimate environments or him. Strawberry Fields was unequivocally none of the aforementioned. When we made it back to camp I checked my tent was locked 5 times as I was afraid someone would try to come in. With everything slowing down I felt an anxious sadness creep over me and I wished the boys were there with us.

Later that night I heard rustling and a voice amongst the cracking of nangs, far off music and the chatter of passerbys. I unlocked my tent and ran out to give him a massive hug.

The weight of 1000 bricks lifted off my chest. I didn’t have to search anymore, it would be okay.